Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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