Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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