Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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