The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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