this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
