They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
