i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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