new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
