So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
