Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
