got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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