Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My penis needs a shock collar
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
