Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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