I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
