I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
