Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
