I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
