Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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