that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
