Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(343): View more from Ontario

STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.

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(309): View more from Illinois

My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about

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(810): View more from Michigan

Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..

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(830): View more from Texas

Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

But you'll make an exception

(908): View more from New Jersey

probably not

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.

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(314): View more from Missouri

she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.

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