My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
