me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my shit smells like andre
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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