I like to think it a success when the cops are called
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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