she was so not down for the gang bang
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
