3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if you like me you must not know who I am
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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