I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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