So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
