Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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