Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
