Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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