Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
