The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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