also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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