At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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