you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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