We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
