yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
