Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize