She's JV to your varsity
kristin has been a bad kristin
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We left the knife in your bed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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