So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
