Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
