I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I want is dick and wine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
