When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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