My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
