You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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