I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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