textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
