there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
