If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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