is your mom at the bar?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
