Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize