Can Purell be used as lube?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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