I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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