She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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