So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
