Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
