so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
