She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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