Hey man sorry I got all grabby
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
