Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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