let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
