her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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