If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
