...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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