i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
