I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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