I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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