He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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