Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Randomize
