if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
