Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All the doctor said was why
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
