We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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