apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
