Im at strip club and am horny
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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