how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize