Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
