You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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