There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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