Kiss
Puke
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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