Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
