worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
