The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
