I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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