Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
