this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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