If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
