Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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