dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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